Colin cycled 2,000km around Scotland in memory of his mum, Dorothy, who died of cancer in July 2022.
My mum Dorothy was diagnosed with breast cancer around four years ago. She had surgery, but it was hormonal cancer and it spread quickly. Last year, we found out it had come back and spread to her liver and bowels. It was terminal.
Marie Curie had our backs
Mum was very much housebound. That's when Marie Curie really came to the forefront and started supporting her at home.
One of Mum's nurses, Norma, was from Troon. She was brilliant. She explained the journey ahead to my mum and the whole family. Mum was very matter of fact and Norma spoke to her in the same way – we were very appreciative of that.
Without Marie Curie, the whole family would have struggled to cope. It would have been round-the-clock care from my sister, myself, and more so my dad, which would have caused each of us to struggle.
The key thing was seeing how relaxed Mum was when Marie Curie Nurses were caring for her. My mum trusted them, which eased any worries we had as a family and gave us the opportunity to support each other with the knowledge that Marie Curie had our backs.
Mum's fear of dying
Near the end, my mum spoke about her fear of dying. She couldn't answer why she was afraid; she didn't understand why. She'd just say, "I just don't know. I have this fear."
Two days after that, Mum lost her voice. And in my head, I was thinking, "She's still got all these thoughts that she's not able to vocalise." That was the hardest part. I felt quite helpless because I couldn't alleviate those fears.
I tried to do a little reading on it to try and understand. This moment of mortality, when you know the end is very near, how do people cope with that? What could I say to my mum when she was lying in bed with her thoughts and worries?
The end of life can be a very lonely journey. As much as you have all these people attending to your needs, you're still quite fearful of these moments alone with your own thoughts.
A cycle in memory of Mum
It was Mum's fear of dying that inspired me to take on a 2,000km cycle around Scotland completely unassisted. Not even with any music. The idea was to emulate both the physical and mental journey she went through.
Cycling alone was a liberating experience, but in all honesty, the excitement wore thin after a few days. It really did become a journey where my self-discipline and daily routine were my friends.
Throughout the challenge, I certainly touched on the psychological aspects of my mum's journey. There were times I was completely alone and in some discomfort. It was fascinating to see where my mind went. It would wander to previous situations throughout my life, some causing feelings of regret while others would raise deep internal conversations.
I heard Mum saying, "Toughen up, son" a few times in my head while I cycled. It was something she'd say to me a lot growing up, too. I owe a lot to her in terms of my resilience. Mum was always very matter of fact but also quite gentle.
Mum only ever worried about others. Even when she was in hospital getting a stoma bag fitted, she'd always say, "Oh, look at that poor soul next to me." That's just who she was and that's what I loved about her.
Mum had helped out at the St. John's Hospital neonatal ward and in a couple of charity shops not long after she retired. She was always one of these people who gave back to the community. And she's one of the reasons I've always looked at contributing to communities and local organisations, too.
Raising funds and awareness of the work Marie Curie do was a large motivation for my cycle. And if it will help other people and their families like mine, then every day on my bike was worth it.
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