“Music can bring real comfort and connection at the end of life”

We turn to music at some of the hardest times in our lives – when we're angry, sad, afraid. When we can't find the right words to express our emotions. It can bring such comfort.

So, I'm not surprised that a new Marie Curie survey has found that 82% of recently bereaved people listened to music at the end of their loved one's life, and that 84% of them felt it relaxed and calmed their loved one in their final days.

I've seen the power of music at the end of life. As a Marie Curie Research Fellow, based at Queen's University Belfast, I've been fortunate to spend time in the Marie Curie Hospice, Belfast, speaking with patients, their families and friends, nurses and other clinical staff. Our research has been in music therapy, but I'm also very interested in my work in ways that music can be used as part of nursing care or informal care by family members and friends.

Excellent end of life care and music therapy share the same ethos. They're holistic and they're about understanding the person as an individual, looking at their physical, psychological, social and spiritual needs. That's what Marie Curie care does best and it's why I'm passionate about working in end of life care.

This research, and the resulting Music for the End playlist, show music can be such a powerful and universal tool. None of us will escape the impact of losing a loved one, so I don't only approach this from an academic perspective.

I was in the room when my aunt played my uncle's favourite music as he died from cancer. It brought us so much comfort in those final moments, and we hope my uncle felt that comfort as well.

The loss of a loved one is one of the most profound experiences we will have. How do you put that into words? And what if someone is very unwell and unable to communicate verbally, but they can still hear? In those moments a piece of music, or some song lyrics, might do it for us. It can be a way of saying to someone, I really love you.

Working with patients and their friends and families in the hospice, I've seen that listening to favourite music can evoke powerful memories, helping patients to reconnect with themselves, and remember that they are more than their illness. This reminiscence can be a powerful way to bring comfort. And listening together, talking about the songs, can help patients and their loved ones to reconnect too. Instead of just being carer and cared for they return to being husband and wife, father and daughter.

Nurses have told me that chatting to someone they're caring for about the music they like, or about what they remember listening to at certain times of their life, can help open a bigger conversation. They can use it to explore what matters most to someone and to understand them as an individual. That is very helpful with advance care planning, in which people can record their preferences and wishes around their care, helping them have the best possible experience at the end of life.

Music can be a powerful way to leave a legacy. That might be creating your own playlist or even a piece of music. You can ask your nurse or healthcare assistant to help with this. I remember one woman who worked with the music therapist in the hospice to write a beautiful song for her children. Knowing she was leaving that legacy for her children brought her such comfort and sense of meaning. And having something of their mother that they could hold on to forever, something she had created for them, was hugely comforting for her children.

Not everyone will want to create music, but they can still draw comfort from it. At Christmas we have a choir come into the hospice. It is a powerful moment. Many of the patients and families come along to see and listen, but even those who can't are able to hear the music in their rooms. It really helps to create a sense of community, to humanise the hospice, to make it feel like home – and that's so important in a clinical setting.

If you or a loved one is living with a terminal illness, or you're grieving, you may experience anxiety, or find it hard to think or to to find tools to draw on. Music is within us, it's part of what it is to be. Your heartbeat, your breathing, your sleep patterns are all based on rhythm. So, music is accessible to everyone, and it's universal, though we all have our preferences.

It's wonderful to see the range of songs that bereaved people suggested for this playlist – from Frank Sinatra and the Beatles to Robbie Williams and Christina Aguilera. These songs have all resonated with them and helped their loved ones find comfort at the end of life. I hope that this playlist will now help even more people discover the power of music.

Visit mariecurie.org.uk/withyou to learn more about our services. Or call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309 for practical or clinical information and emotional support if you're living with or caring for someone who has a terminal illness, or you've experienced a bereavement. Whatever the illness, we're with you to the end.

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