In the latest episode of On the Marie Curie Couch, Roderick Williams sits down with bereavement expert Jason Davidson.
Roderick is a baritone soloist and composer. He regularly performs at the BBC Proms, is a Composer in Association of the BBC Singers and performed at the Coronation of King Charles III. In 2017, he was awarded an OBE for services to music.
In this episode, Roderick talks about the importance of music before, during and after death, why we should tell people how we feel before they die, and Cusp, a piece of music he composed that meditates on death and grief.
Content note: This conversation includes references to discussions of death and grief that might be triggering or upsetting.
‘Rehearsing’ death and grief
Nothing will prepare me for losing my own parents, and I’m aware of that. I’ve played characters who’ve died and who’ve lost people – I’ve rehearsed these emotions a great deal. That’s given me cause to think, ‘Right, I want to sort my own house out.’ It’s pointless doing all this rehearsal if when it comes to the real thing, I fluff it.
If that is my destiny, to have a death in a hospital bed with my family around me, if I’m lucky enough, I’ve rehearsed it. I know not to be frightened.
A playlist for dying
We talk a lot about funerals and funeral arrangements, the sort of music we might like at funerals. But what we miss, what isn’t talked about… was the sort of music we might like as we are dying.
The nurse I was talking to said lots of people prepare playlists for birth and that for some people there is an opportunity to have a similar playlist on their way out. I thought that was a beautiful thing. Immediately, I thought of lots of pieces of music I might place on that list
Listening, to the end
Our sense of hearing is one of the last things to go. Those moments when you’re with someone and they look inert and you’re saying things to them, it’s very likely that they can hear even if they can’t respond.
There was a member of the Bach Choir who said that as her husband was dying, he had requested that they play the St John Passion, a recording where he was a member of the choir. They played that as he laid there. She said, ‘He most likely heard the beginning, but he didn’t hear the end.’ I thought that was really powerful and really, really beautiful.
Listen now
Tap the link near the top of this page to listen to Will's chat with Jason. Alternatively, listen to or download it via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can also watch a subtitled version on YouTube.
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If you need support with bereavement or grief, call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or visit mariecurie.org.uk/information
