In the latest episode of On the Marie Curie Couch, Sophie Capewell sits down with Jason Davidson.
Sophie is a track sprint cyclist for the Great Britain Cycling Team. She won gold in the team sprint event at the Paris 2024 Olympic Games, setting three new world records in the process. The team then became the first ever British women’s sprint team to do the double and take the world title a few months later.
In this conversation, Sophie talks about the death of her dad, Nigel, experiencing grief before he had died, feeling guilty for enjoying herself, and how grief affected her during her Olympic gold medal win.
Content note: This conversation includes discussions of death and grief that might be triggering or upsetting.
“I thought I wasn't allowed to be happy”
I had so much guilt when I was enjoying myself. That was odd. I thought I wasn’t allowed to be happy for a long time, which is very punishing. Every time you enjoy yourself you think, ‘They’re not here, you should be sad.’ And that’s not true. But that’s a very common reaction I’ve found.
Anticipatory grief
I think I started grieving my dad really early on, even though he was still with us. Because I kept removing myself from the situation to come back and forth from [training in] Manchester. Every time I came back, I saw a bit more of a change… I couldn’t figure out why I was having feelings and the reactions I was having. I’d started the grief process quite early on.
Listen now
Tap the link near the top of this page to listen to Jason's chat with Sophie. Alternatively, listen to or download it via Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also watch a subtitled version on YouTube.
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If you need support with bereavement or grief, call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or visit mariecurie.org.uk/information
