“I’m using this window of opportunity to make memories with my children.”

Back in Autumn 2021, I was feeling very poorly and tired, which is unlike me. I'm a wellness coach and was teaching three yoga classes a week. It got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore because I was so tired and lightheaded.

I had a CT scan and colonoscopy, which showed I had a rare condition known as signet ring cell carcinoma – a very aggressive type of bowel cancer.

Even after chemotherapy, it kept growing quickly. The doctors then tried targeted therapy, but I developed horrible pain and ended up in A&E with a perforated bowel. It got to the point where there was nothing more they could do. So we stopped treatment.

I'm a very practical person, so when we first found out I had cancer, my husband and I had started to put plans in place. We'd agreed that I would spend my last days in a hospice, as we felt it would be best for our young children. Then the bowel perforation appeared out of nowhere and catapulted everything forward.

I was transferred to the Marie Curie Hospice in Solihull and when I first arrived, I was pretty out of it and delirious. But slowly, the environment there enabled me to get to the stage where I am now, which is just incredible.

It was a lovely place for the children to visit me – in fact, they loved coming to the hospice. They were given ice lollies and we would sit out in the gardens – it's like a five-star hotel! I'm a real nature lover and to have that connection to the outdoors is such a huge benefit. The fresh air and sunlight were so healing.

The hospice put activities in place so that we could make memories as a family. We painted each other's hands with our favourite colours and put our handprints on different pillowcases so that they'll have a pillowcase of my hand when I'm no longer around. It's given me so much comfort to know that they will have that support from Marie Curie going forward.

While we've always been honest with the children about my cancer, they're very young. Tommy is eight and very scientific. He understood immediately about what happens with the blood cells – he just got it. Chloe is six and her understanding was that "mummy has a pain on her side and feels poorly."

Marie Curie have been so helpful with how we talk to them about it. With the staff's support, we sat them down and explained about the hospice and how it was a much more comfortable place than the hospital, and that I would eventually die there, which is such a tricky conversation to have with children.

Our cat died recently which Chloe really struggled with. We read this lovely book called The Invisible Strings about how we're all connected wherever we are. It's opened up those conversations about death in a way that we wouldn't have had previously.

My progress has only been possible because of all the support around me. My husband Mike has held us together. His employer was fantastic and told him to stop working and look after me and the kids and do whatever he needed to do for his family. It's been six months now, and that support has just been invaluable.

The hospice is a few miles from home, so it's been great to have friends and family visit. And I've never felt like I've had to hold back with the staff – I've laughed freely with them and cried freely. I've asked all sorts of questions – they're just there for you. They've also offered to support my dad and brother and my husband. I can't sing their praises enough.

I've been discharged and I'm not in active cancer treatment at the moment. So we've used this window of opportunity to try and do things with the children – even if I need to use a wheelchair to conserve my energy.

I'm a planner, so we've done all the Wills and the life insurance. I've recorded a video for Mike and the children just so they have something. I've written a stack of birthday cards until they're eighteen and some Christmas cards, too. I've even met with a minister who I'd like to do my funeral. It's not often you get the opportunity to organise your own funeral  .

I'm being treated with antibiotics and my skin is regenerating, which is a sign that my body isn't ready to give up. I have that rebellious hope... that glimmer of hope. I have my down days too, but I'm a positive thinker. It's all about gratitude, optimism and living in the present.

But I do have my moments. We drove past the local high school and Tommy said he would be going there in a few years' time. It just dawned on me, 'Am I ever going to get to see him in his blazer?' I burst into tears. But then I remember that I'm fighting to enjoy this time with them. I remind myself to breathe and listen to my body. To stay positive and take it one step at a time.