Grief support when someone dies

The support you get after a bereavement can make a real difference to the grieving process, and how well you are able to adapt to living without the person who has died.

There are many ways to find support, whether you prefer to talk to someone in person, on the phone, or join an online community.

If you need support now, you can call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309. Or call the Samaritans on 116 123 who are open 24 hours a day, every day.

Family and friends may be all the support you need when you're grieving. You may be sharing grief at the same bereavement and feel like you want to support each other through this. Or family and friends may be the people you feel most comfortable being with at this time – and the people you find it easiest to talk to about your feelings.

But friends and family may also find it difficult to know how to behave around you when you're grieving. Maybe they think that it's best to keep away and to leave it to you to get in touch when you're ready.

If this happens to you, then you may need to be the one that contacts them first. Try to let them know how you're feeling and what kind of help and support you need from them. They may want to help but just don't know how – so let them know what they can do. It could be help with practical things like picking up the kids, or just calling regularly, or meeting for a coffee.

Although it can seem really difficult to reach out to people and even harder to ask for help, most people who have been bereaved feel better after seeing another person and being able to talk about their feelings.

You may also find that while you want to meet people, you then want to chat about other things than how you're feeling, which is fine too. Social contact can be very helpful and it's normal to both grieve and live – so remember that it's OK to find that you've had some time without thinking, or talking, about the person who has died.

If you choose to meet up with people, make it easy for yourself. For example, if you're going to have them over, then ask if they can all bring an item of food with them – or you could order a takeaway together. You might also want to warn people first that you (or they) won't be able to stay for long.

Try not to feel like you have to take on too much at a time like this when your energy and motivation may be low.

If there are things you do not want to talk to your family or friends about, or you do not have someone you feel you can talk to, you might want to contact one of the organisations that support people who have been bereaved. You could also contact your local spiritual adviser or religious leader.

If you think you might need professional grief counselling, speak to your GP. They may be able to refer you for bereavement counselling. They may also be able to give you information about local counselling services and support groups (see Counselling, psychotherapy and other support below).

If you’d like to talk to other people who are living with grief, there are several online communities or forums where you can discuss what you’re going through in a confidential and safe environment. Many charities, including Marie Curie and Sue Ryder, have these. They’re free and quite easy to use. You might have to create a user name and password to join.

If you’re not comfortable contributing to discussions straight away, you could still find that it helps to hear about other people's experiences and find out about the things they're doing to support themselves.

If you’d like to talk to someone on the phone, there are several telephone support lines you can call. These are usually charged at local call rates, although many are free:

As part of our Bereavement Support Service, you can be matched with a specially trained volunteer to have regular bereavement support sessions over the phone. Your matched volunteer will provide you with a safe space to talk and a listening ear, and you will be able to access up to six telephone sessions.

You can also contact the Marie Curie Support Line by phone, online chat or email at support@mariecurie.org.uk.

Some people may need professional support from a bereavement counsellor, or a psychotherapist.

Some people find meeting other bereaved people in a support group helps them come to terms with their own feelings of grief.

Many charities (such as Cruse Bereavement Support), hospices and faith leaders will be able to help you find a bereavement support group if they do not have one themselves. You could also search online for a group in your local area.