Teenagers and young people can feel emotions intensely, so grief can be especially hard for them. Each young person’s reaction to grief will be different. And it will develop in different ways too. On this page, we cover how teenagers and young people aged 12 to 25 might react to bereavement and ways you can support them.
Some of the suggestions on this page are from conversations with Youth Ambassadors at Winston’s Wish, the child bereavement support charity.
How teenagers may react to bereavement
Every teenager or young person will handle bereavement in their own way. Grieving while they’re dealing with the changes of growing up can be especially tough. It might make them feel lonely, especially if none of their friends have experienced something similar. They may feel like they have less support from people their age compared to older adults.
Grief can bring up a mix of emotions that are intense and hard to understand. Teenagers and young people can feel things deeply and quickly, which can make grief overwhelming at times. They’ll notice how others around them are grieving, so it can be confusing if others are grieving in a different way to them.
Being patient and understanding with them can make a big difference. Let them know there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone’s experience of grief is different, and their feelings are valid and important.
What teenagers understand about death
Teenagers and young people usually have a good understanding of death. They might know more details of what happened or been more involved in someone’s care. Some young people can think about the long-term impact death will have on their lives. Others might find this more difficult.
They may worry more about changes in routine, like who will take care of them or look after the house. They might worry about things like money or the future. Young people may feel anxious if their routine changes. And they might have questions or concerns about practical aspects of their routine or home life.
Reactions include:
- finding it difficult to talk about their feelings or wanting to talk to friends or peers rather than adults
- feeling sadness, anger or guilt – their emotions may be quite intense
- feeling anxious or worrying about other people close to the person who died
- feeling bad about themselves or having low self-esteem
- wishing it had not happened or wondering why it had to happen to them
- changes in how well they do at school or work
- worrying they might develop the same illness as the person who died (especially if they were related)
- worrying about what their future will be like.
Behaviour in grieving teenagers
You may see changes in how teenagers and young people behave:
- Aggression. They may struggle to manage strong emotions, so end up acting out or being angry.
- Acting the adult. They may be worried about the future now the person has died and feel like they need to take on a more grown-up role.
- Distance. They might not want to talk about their feelings. Or they may prefer to speak to their friends about their emotions, rather than an adult.
- Sleep problems. They might find it harder to get to sleep or stay asleep. Or they might feel like they need to sleep all the time.
- Change in perspective. They might begin to feel differently about their future, change their perspective or rethink their goals.
These are all natural reactions. But if you’re worried about how a young person is coping after a bereavement, there are people and organisations who can support you. You might want to contact the teenager’s GP, or reach out to organisations like Winston’s Wish for advice.
Complicated grief in teenagers
Complicated grief or prolonged grief is when strong feelings have a significant impact on someone’s daily life for more than 12 months. These feelings stay intense or get worse over time. For example, day after day they may not be able to get out of bed, wash their hair, watch TV or go to the shops.
Teenagers and young people can experience complicated grief. Encourage them to reach out to organisations like Winston’s Wish for bereavement support, if you’re worried about them. Or speak to their GP for advice.
Grief in teenagers with special educational needs or disabilities (SEND)
It’s natural to want to protect a young person from feeling sad. But it’s important to include young people with SEND in conversations about death and to give them the facts.
Remember, you know the young person best, so support them in the way that you feel is right for them.
Teenagers and young people with SEND may need more support in understanding death:
- Be honest with them and tailor the details to their level of understanding.
- Use words like ‘dead’ and ‘died’ so you do not confuse them.
- Communicate with them in them in the way you usually would. This might be by talking, using picture cards, watching videos, or doing activities like drawing or play.
Teenagers and young people with SEND might find it more difficult to express how they’re feeling. They might show their emotions through their behaviour, rather than talking. When they’re grieving, their behaviour might change. This could be a way for them to express how they’re feeling and process their grief.
If you need help supporting a young person with SEND, you could contact their special educational needs and disabilities coordinator (SENDCo), if they have one. If they go to school, you could let their pastoral team know that someone important to them has died so they can support them.
Organisations like Winston’s Wish can also offer specialist advice about supporting a bereaved young person with special educational needs or disabilities. Call their free helpline on 08088 020 021, access the live chat on their website, or email ask@winstonswish.org.
How to help a teenager who’s grieving
Knowing how to support a teenager or young person when they’re grieving can be challenging. Each young person will grieve differently and the level of support they need will vary. Some young people feel supported enough by their family, friends and school. Others might need specialist bereavement support.
When helping a teenager or young person who’s grieving, ask them how they’d like to be supported. Be patient and open to changing your support to match what helps them at the time. Here are some things that you could do to help:
- Help them to understand grief and the feelings associated with it.
- Find out about support at school, college, university or work.
- Help them to keep up hobbies, social activities and a routine.
- Help them to find self-care activities they enjoy.
- Check in on their friendships. These might change or end as they grieve.
- Encourage them to talk about how they’re feeling or express their feelings in other ways.
- Help them to remember the person. Having positive memories of the person who died can be comforting for young people.
Some organisations have support groups where young people can speak to others who’ve had similar experiences. Winston’s Wish has immediate grief support, as well as peer support groups. They also have a website called Talk Grief, designed and written by young people for young people.
How grief changes for teenagers over time
A teenager or young person’s grief will change over time. It might feel particularly strong sometimes, including during milestones like going to university, getting a job or getting married. Achievements and happy moments can make grief feel bigger as the person is not there to share it with them. Anniversaries, birthdays or other special days can also be key moments in a young person’s grief cycle.
Try to remember that grief may affect them differently at different stages of their life. Speak to them about what support they want from you at different times.
Support for parents and carers with bereaved teenagers
Looking after bereaved teenagers and young people is hard, especially when you’re grieving yourself. It’s important to remember you can give them the best support when you feel supported too. Look after yourself and ask for help if you need it.
It’s a big task to keep everything going when you’re grieving. If it’s an option, think about who’s around to help. This might be people who can help with:
- doing jobs around the house
- taking young people somewhere or picking them up
- spending time with the young people
- spending time with you or listening to you.
You might feel alone right now. We’re here to help. Call our free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 to speak someone and get emotional support. You can also use our live chat or email support@mariecurie.org.uk.
Marie Curie also offers bereavement support for adults over 18, when someone’s died of a terminal illness. You can access up to six phone sessions with the same volunteer – get in touch to find out more.
Winston’s Wish offers free bereavement support for young people up to the age of 25 and their families. Call their free helpline on 08088 020 021, use the live chat on their website, or email ask@winstonswish.org.
