Going back to work after a bereavement

You may be thinking about going back to work after a bereavement. Grief affects everyone differently and can impact your work. It's important to think about what support or adjustments you might need to be able to start working again.

This page describes some of the ways that your employer or colleagues can offer support after a bereavement. What’s possible might depend on your role and the organisation you work for.

You might want to ask your line manager or HR team, if you have one, about what types of support are available from your employer to help you go back to work.

They may suggest a 'return to work' meeting or a call to discuss this before you start work again. If they do not suggest this, you can still ask for a meeting with your manager to discuss your return. 

This is when you agree with your employer to a gradual return to work. This could mean coming back to work initially on reduced hours and gradually increasing them to your usual work pattern. Or it could mean returning to work with some of your workload, or responsibilities, held back until you’re better able to take them on.

Grief can be unpredictable. If, once you're fully back to work, you're finding it difficult to manage because of your grief, you can talk to your manager or HR team about the support they can offer (see How grief might affect your work below).

Whether or not you can do a phased return will depend on your role and organisation. If you're not sure, speak to your manager or HR team, if you have one.

You may be able to ask for flexible working to help you deal with grief or other changes in your life. Flexible working includes things like:

The death of someone might mean that you now have more responsibilities, like caring for a child or bereaved parent. You may want to speak to your employer about flexible working arrangements that can fit around your new responsibilities at home.

In England, Wales and Scotland you have the right to ask for flexible working from your first day in the job. In Northern Ireland, you usually need to have worked for your employer continuously for 26 weeks before applying.

Your employer does not have to agree to flexible working – they will consider the impact on the business before agreeing to flexible working. Even if they cannot commit to it long term, it might be something that they can arrange for a short-term period after your bereavement.

Before you go back to work, you can speak to your manager so that you feel prepared. It can help to know what your colleagues have been told about your bereavement. You can ask your manager to pass on any information that you would like your colleagues to know. If you want to, you can also tell them about anything you do or do not want them to say. For example, you might want to let them know it's OK to ask how you're doing and how you've been.

You may be worried about getting upset at work. It's normal to get upset if you're talking about how you're feeling or thinking about the person who died.

It can help to plan how you might deal with this at work. You may also want to speak to your line manager or HR team about what to do if you're at work and feel unable to work or are finding things too difficult.

It's hard to know how you'll manage when you're back at work. But it might help to be aware of how grief might affect your work and speak to your line manager about any concerns that you have (see How grief might affect your work below).

It can help to tell your manager if there are any practical things that you still need to do and might need time off for – for example, sorting out the person's Will or funeral.

You can also ask your manager about any updates or changes from when you've been away so that you know what to expect.

Grief affects everyone differently and how you feel may change over time. You might feel tired, anxious, sad or angry. Grief can also cause problems with concentration and sleeping. All of these things can affect your work.

You might be thinking about how long your feelings of grief might last for or how long it might affect your work. This is different for everyone and there is no set timeframe for grief. 

It can help to find out more about grief, including the different feelings you might have and how these can change over time.

It can also help to speak to your manager or HR Team about how you’re feeling. They might be able to make adjustments to work or support you in other ways.

You might want to consider asking your manager or HR Team to let your colleagues know about your bereavement, if you feel comfortable. This can help them to prepare to support you when you return to work.

If you want to speak to someone else about how you’re feeling, the free Marie Curie Support Line is available. Call 0800 090 2309 or email support@mariecurie.org.uk.

You may find that you have intense feelings unexpectedly or your feelings change quickly. Some people describe being hit unexpectedly by a sudden 'wave of grief'.

It can help to plan how you might deal with this at work. For example, taking some deep breaths, speaking to a colleague or going for a short walk if that's possible. 

Some people find that tasks at work take longer to complete or are more challenging than before. You might find yourself thinking about the person who died or feel overwhelmed at work. This is normal.

If this is happening, try not to put too much pressure on yourself and allow yourself breaks if possible. You could try to set smaller, achievable tasks during your working day.

Some people find that work is a distraction from thinking about the person who died. This can sometimes make people feel relieved.

Try not to feel guilty about this – it is not a reflection on how much you cared for the person who died or your relationship with them. It's normal to want a break from your feelings of grief. And it’s OK to take part in something that is not just about your bereavement.

There might be different ways that your work can support you, including an Employee Assistance Programme or support from your line manager or colleagues

It's normal for people to worry about how to talk to someone who's been bereaved. You might worry that you'll say the wrong thing and that it will make them feel worse.

If you’re an employer or manager, it’s likely you’ll be the day-to-day contact for someone in your team after someone important to them has died. This can feel like a big responsibility. But there are steps you can take to support them well.

It can be helpful to have your organisation’s most recent bereavement policy to hand. This will mean you can accurately advise them on things like bereavement leave. It should also tell you about any legal requirements you might need to consider. If you cannot find the policy or you have questions, ask your HR team (if you have one) or senior management for guidance.

You might also like to ask the person if they’d like information about their bereavement to be shared with their other colleagues. This can help other staff members prepare and be ready to support them when they return to work.

Try not to make assumptions about what might be best for your employee. It’s important to make sure they feel comfortable discussing their needs with you. It can be helpful to acknowledge that what they need might change over time.

If you need support, talk to senior management or your HR team.

If you’re a colleague of someone who’s been recently bereaved, you can help to make them feel supported in the workplace. Grief affects everyone differently, so try not to assume how they will feel or act.

What you say will depend on them as an individual, how they are feeling and your relationship with them. Here are some general tips on how to support your colleague: