Living funerals

A living funeral is a funeral or event someone has while they are alive. Anyone can have a living funeral, but it’s often chosen by people living with a terminal illness. It’s usually a way for them to celebrate their life with people important to them.

This information has been written for people living with a terminal illness, their family and friends.

A living funeral is an occasion someone has while they’re alive, usually to reflect on and celebrate their life with people important to them. Living funerals can be any format the person chooses, for example an activity, event, or a specific ceremony. And they can be a big occasion, or a small, free gathering.

They are often chosen by someone living with a terminal illness, or nearing the end of their life. But anyone can have a living funeral, and there are no set rules for what you can do, or where to have it.

Living funerals are a new concept to lots of people in the UK. But versions of them have existed in different cultures for some time.

Living funerals do not have to follow the same structure as funerals held after someone has died. Some people may choose to have a living funeral instead of, or as well as, a funeral after they die.

Anyone can have a living funeral – it does not need to be associated with religion or faith.

You could speak to a chaplain, spiritual care coordinator, or your faith leader for their thoughts or guidance. Different faith communities will have varying views about living funerals. Some communities may have specific traditions or ceremonies they would include in a living funeral.

There are lots of other names used to talk about living funerals. Some you might hear include: living wake, pre-funeral, celebration of life, funeral while living, farewell party or ceremony, and pre-death party. There are no restrictions on what you can call your living funeral.

People may have a living funeral without giving it a name, and it may be something that happens naturally. Some people living with a terminal illness arrange for friends and family to come together before they die. This is sometimes prompted by an occasion such as a birthday or anniversary.

There are many reasons someone living with a terminal illness may choose to have a living funeral. We’ve included some examples here. They may want to:

A living funeral can give someone a dedicated time and space to do these things in the way they choose.

For some people, a living funeral can also be a way to make sure they have an event that follows their wishes. They may be worried the funeral after they’ve died will not reflect who they are. Or, that people important to them will not be invited. These issues can affect anyone. They may be a particular concern for some people within the LGBTQ+ community.

Some people decide to have a funeral without a service. This is often called a direct cremation or burial, or an unattended cremation or burial. Having a living funeral can give their family and friends the chance to say goodbye, and a sense of closure.

There is no right or wrong way to plan a living funeral. Some people might have a clear idea of what they want. But if you’re not sure where to start, or if a living funeral is right for you – that’s OK.

You could start by asking yourself questions like the below. If you’re planning a living funeral for someone else, you could go through these questions together:

These questions might help you start to picture the type of living funeral you’d like to have. You could also find a celebrant that provides living funeral services to help you plan (see Who can help with a living funeral below).

There may be practical things to consider when you have a terminal illness. These will be different for each person, but we’ve included some examples below:

There is no set format for a living funeral. You can choose any type of occasion that suits you and your interests. And it can be free – it does not need to be a big or expensive event.

Some examples include a small gathering such as a meal, trip, party, or a traditional funeral ceremony. These are only a few ideas – you might like to do something completely different. And there are other ways to connect with people without having a specific occasion (see Alternatives to living funerals below).

Some people might choose one event, and others might choose to have several. For example, with the different groups of people important to them.

You do not have to include anything specific in your living funeral. But here are a few examples of things people might include:

Small touches can also mean a lot to people, like making sure there are enough tissues for everyone. This can show you acknowledge it may be emotionally difficult for people, and it’s okay to show these emotions freely.

Where you have your living funeral may depend on the type of event you choose. Some examples include your home, an events space, a park, your favourite restaurant, and online.

Here are some things to think about when choosing a location:

If you’ve chosen a location outdoors, you might want to choose a backup plan in case of bad weather.

If there are going to be speeches or readings, it’s worth considering if people will need a microphone. If you’re using a venue, you could ask what their setup is.

Who you decide to invite to your living funeral is completely up to you. Some people choose a big event with everyone they know. Others prefer a smaller event, with close family and friends.

Some things to consider might include difficult relationships, if people are respectful of your wishes, and practical things like cost. It’s important to consider your wellbeing when making these decisions.

If you’re making a group or page for the event online, for example on social media, it’s worth considering making this private. This can help prevent difficult situations if there’s anyone you do not want to attend.

It’s also important to remember that some people may not feel comfortable to attend. Everyone has different views about living funerals, and they may want to support or spend time with you in a different way.

People may not be familiar with living funerals, so an invitation with clear and helpful information can help people feel informed and prepared. Here are some things you could include:

You could ask a family member or friend to help with your living funeral. You might agree they plan it for you, for example if you’re feeling unwell. Or, you could ask different people to help with or manage different parts. For example, they could: plan what to do, find a location, send invitations and handle replies, or host or be Master of Ceremonies (MC) for the event.

You might decide you’d like help from someone with experience of living funerals. You could search for a celebrant or funeral director that offers living funeral services. Even if their website does not mention living funerals – it’s worth contacting them to ask.

To choose your own celebrant, contact the Institute of Civil Funerals, Humanists UK, Humanist Society Scotland, or Humani in Northern Ireland.

Many people have not heard of living funerals, so try not worry if you did not know about them before being invited to one.

You’ll usually get an invitation or message from the person organising the occasion. Living funerals can be very varied, but we’ve given some examples of what might be involved (see How to organise a living funeral above).

Living funerals can often be less structured and less formal than funerals held after someone has died. But the type of event will depend on the person. It may be similar to funeral ceremonies they’re used to, or linked to their faith or religion.

They may choose to have a living funeral instead of, or as well as, a funeral after they die.

You might find it helpful to speak to other people who are going. You may have similar questions about practical things, like what will happen on the day or what to wear.

If you have worries about going, or how you might feel on the day, you may find other people have similar worries. It’s OK to decide not to go if you do not feel comfortable with it.

It may help to talk about how you’re feeling. If you’d prefer to speak to someone you do not know, you could contact the free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or email support@mariecurie.org.uk.

It may be hard to know what to say to the person having the living funeral. Particularly if they have a terminal illness, or are approaching the end of their life. You could give yourself some time to think about this before the event – you may find it helpful to write some things down.

Some people wonder if they are expected to take anything, such as a gift. There is no expectation to do this if the invitation does not mention it. But if you’d like to take something, some ideas include a photograph, special item, or a note or letter.

If you still have questions about the event, there might be details of who you can contact in the invitation.

If you’re helping to organise the occasion, you could consider bringing someone with you for support.

Living funerals can cause different emotions in different people, and you may feel a mix of emotions yourself. However you feel, before, during and after the event – your emotions are valid.

It’s normal to feel anxious, sad, happy, angry, to cry, or anything else you might be experiencing. Some people may experience anticipatory grief, which is when you have feelings of grief while the person is still alive.

You may experience emotions you were not yet ready to deal with. And you may not have had time to process these during the event. After the event, you may start thinking about what will happen next.

When you’re ready, it may help to give yourself some time to reflect on the event, thinking about memories shared and new memories created. It may help to look through any keepsakes such as photographs, videos, or a memory book.

You may also want to talk about how you’re feeling with people that went, or someone else close to you. You can also talk to our free Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or email support@mariecurie.org.uk.

There are ways to create and share memories without having an event or celebration. Click on the arrows below to read about some alternatives to living funerals.