A third of people in UK fear upsetting others talking about grief

Bereaved people in the UK are avoiding talking about loved ones after they die, with a third (33 percent) of people saying they have frequently avoided talking about their loss because they knew it would make other people uncomfortable. This is despite nearly half (46 percent) saying talking was a preferred way of celebrating the life of a loved one.

The new research by end of life charity Marie Curie, highlights the need for the National Day of Reflection on 23 March 2022, when the nation will come together to remember people who have died on the two year anniversary of lockdown.

With restrictions mainly eased and the number of Covid deaths diminishing, Marie Curie is urging the importance now of supporting those grieving and remembering loved ones. The war in Ukraine and prominent deaths such as HRH Prince Philip and most recently Australian cricketer Shane Warne, have brought into sharp focus how hearing about death can impact us even when it's people we don't know, with 46 percent of people saying these types of deaths had affected them.

More than half (53 percent) of people think not knowing how to talk about death is a factor in people feeling uncomfortable talking about death and dying.

Marie Curie Bereavement Coordinator Claire Collins said: We can all relate to avoiding talking about losing a loved one because you don't want to upset someone, or it feels awkward. Yet by not talking or sharing how we're feeling we're just bottling up emotions and causing ourselves greater pain.

Coming together for the National Day of Reflection is one way we can all support each other and in a mindful way, reflect on our loss. We hope everyone finds comfort and embraces the day, whether you have had a close bereavement or not. By holding the minute's silence at midday, wearing a Marie Curie daffodil pin, or taking part in another way, you are showing your support for everyone grieving.

Just over three quarters of people (77 percent) surveyed by Marie Curie said they felt there was a pressure to stop grieving in front of people after a period of time while 36 percent said that people not understanding how grief works contributes to their feeling uncomfortable talking about death and dying. Almost half (47 percent) of those who have lost someone recently felt that Covid restrictions impacted on their ability to grieve properly.

Denice Griffiths, 49 from London, whose husband Mark died from Covid age 59 in April 2020 shares:

This National Day of Reflection will be so helpful, especially for a family like us who has lost somebody. It's as if you're saying to people, 'look, it's fine to talk about Mark to us.' Because you do have some people who won't always confront it. They avoid talking about it, they avoid asking how you are because they don't know what to say and they don't want to upset you.

But then I think they see you carrying on as normal and they think you're absolutely fine. I can imagine how people could look at me now and think, 'there's not a bother on her. She's going to work, doing normal things.' But I'm carrying on because I have to. That doesn't mean I'm ok.

It's [The National Day of Reflection] allowing them, it's giving other people permission, to talk about our loved ones and to remember them with us.

'Rate My Takeaway' YouTube star Danny Malin's long-term partner Carrie died suddenly in February last year and he is supporting the National Day of Reflection to encourage others to be open about their feelings and grief. Danny said: When Carrie passed away I found the grief unbearable, it left me lost and confused on what to do in life but talking to family and friends helped me motivate myself enough to be able to support my children.

Not a day goes by that I don't shed a tear but I believe talking about Carrie and what has happened helps me keep focused on my children and building a future for us.

Seeing what is happening in Ukraine breaks my heart as the unnecessary loss of life and family's torn apart in such a brutal way should be something the world should never let happen. It reminds me the time I had with Carrie was precious and the time I now have with my family is precious.

We need more love in the world I believe that as a person we cannot help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

Take part in the National Day of Reflection on 23 March, visit mariecurie.org.uk/dayofreflection and join one or more activities on the day:
• Observe a minute's silence at midday, wearing your Marie Curie daffodil pin
• Shine a light at 8pm, or display flowers in your window
• Visit a Wall of Reflection or remember a loved one in your own way
• Join one of seven online Marie Curie organised talks and panel discussions

Marie Curie Information and Support is available free on 0800 090 2309 mariecurie.org.uk/help/support