If you live alone, or live with people you are not close to, there are things you can do to make sure you're getting the care and support you need. Here, we talk about the care you can get at home, asking others for help, planning for the future, and what to do if you're feeling isolated.
Checklist: living alone with a terminal illness
Here are some things you could put in place to give you reassurance you'll get the support you need:
- Speak to those close to you about any support you need or practical tasks they could help with.
- Think about moving in with someone else, whether that's practical, and whether it's something you both would want.
- Let your doctor or nurse know that you live on your own.
- Contact your local council or health and social care trust to get a needs assessment.
- Check what financial support you could get with our benefits calculator - see below.
- Put a plan in place in case you have an emergency or need to go into hospital or a hospice.
- Make an advance care plan to let healthcare professionals know how you'd like to be looked after - see below.
- Write down a list of important contacts, like your healthcare team and emergency contact, and share it with those close to you.
Questions you might have if you’re ill and living alone
You might be living on your own or living with people you do not know very well. When you have a terminal illness, this can bring up lots of different worries and feelings. You might be thinking about practical things, like:
- who your first point of contact would be if you had an emergency or needed help
- who could take you to appointments if you cannot manage yourself
- who could help you with chores around the house, like cooking and cleaning
- who could help you with things like going to the toilet and washing.
You might also be dealing with lots of emotions, like:
- feeling scared in case you become more unwell and there’s nobody around to help
- feeling scared of dying on your own
- feeling worried about asking for help, especially if you feel like you’re asking a lot
- feeling worried about losing your independence
- feeling isolated, if you’re not getting enough support.
This page will cover the practical things you can do to make sure you’re getting the support you need. It will also cover what to do if you’re feeling isolated or are worried about asking for help.
Asking for help
It’s important to ask for help if you need it. If you have family members, friends, or other people who are important to you, do not be afraid to ask them for support. You could ask for specific things, like help with shopping, collecting medication from the pharmacy, or calling you every day to check in. Here are some things to think about:
- Make a list of practical tasks you need help with – for example, they could come with you to medical appointments, or do your shopping.
- Make a list of emotional support you might need – for example, calling to check in regularly or speaking to you about how you’re feeling.
- You could set up a WhatsApp group on your phone of people who could support you. They might find it helpful to set up a schedule of who can help and when.
- If you work, speak to your employer about your situation. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, your company might have an employee assistance programme or a Human Resources (HR) department you could speak to.
- There might not be anyone you feel comfortable asking for help from. Or, you might prefer to speak to someone you do not know so well. You could speak to your healthcare team, or there are lots of organisations which offer helper or befriending services (see If you're feeling lonely or isolated below).
If you’re not able to ask for help from family or friends
If you live in England, you can request support from NHS Care Volunteer Responders. They offer emotional and practical support, such as a Check in and Chat service and a Community Response service, which can help with picking up medication or shopping. See below to find out more about NHS Care Volunteer responders on their website.
If you live in Scotland, Northern Ireland or Wales, the Red Cross might offer community support. Check the Red Cross website below to find out what services are available in your area.
Age UK also offer some community services to people over the age of 50, like help with food shopping.
You could also ask your pharmacy if they can deliver your medicines, if you’re finding it difficult to pick them up.
Getting care in your home
Social care is practical help with things like everyday tasks and looking after yourself. If you live on your own, social care can help you with things like:
- getting meals delivered to your home if you’re struggling to cook
- personal alarms and home security, in case you have a fall or an emergency
- having a carer who can come and look after you.
In England, Scotland and Wales, social care is provided by your local council. In Northern Ireland, it’s provided by your health and social care trust. To get it, you’ll need to have a needs assessment. Contact your local social care service to arrange an assessment. Find contact details in:
If you cannot contact social services, someone else can contact them for you. This could be a family member or friend, or a health and social care professional, like a GP or social worker.
If you’re eligible for it, social care should be put in place as soon as possible. You may have to pay for some or all of the care you get.
You can also pay for a carer yourself, without going through the council.
Getting equipment for your home
You might find it difficult to move around your home, or do things like have a shower, especially if there is not anyone around to help you. Getting equipment or adaptations for your home could make this easier. Equipment includes things like walking aids and seats for the shower. Adaptations include things like handrails by the front door, a ramp, and stairlifts.
You can get equipment and adaptions:
- through your social care needs assessment (see Getting care in your home above)
- by speaking to your doctor or nurse.
- by buying equipment yourself.
You can also get information about equipment and adaptations from a Home Improvement Agency (HIA). A HIA can give you advice about getting adaptations, and there are agencies in most areas of the UK. Find a Home Improvement Agency near you:
Planning for the future
You could make a plan for what you want to happen in the future. This could include:
- whether you want to move in with someone, and who that might be
- whether you would want to pay for a carer to come and look after you, or pay for a cleaner to help with the housework
- whether you would want to move into a care home or nursing home
- what kind of care you’d like to receive if you become more ill
- any treatments you would or would not want to have
- what you’d like to happen to your things when you die.
Planning for an emergency
You might want to think about what would happen if you had an emergency at home, or if you had to be cared for somewhere else, like a hospital or hospice. You could:
- think about who you would want to be with you, and ask them if they’re happy to be your emergency contact – it could be more than one person
- tell your emergency contact about any important documents in your house, like an advance care plan
- write down the contact details of your emergency contact and your healthcare team, and put them somewhere noticeable, for example on the fridge. You can also share their details with any other people supporting you.
- put the names of your emergency contact and healthcare team in your phone
- give your healthcare team the name and number of your emergency contact
- write down the things that need looking after in your house while you’re away – for example, a pet that needs feeding or an alarm system which needs setting
- tell your emergency contact how to get in your house or give them a key.
Financial support
You may be able to access benefits which could help with the cost of your illness. Although there is not a specific benefit for people with a terminal illness, you may be able to claim other disability and sickness benefits. You could also receive these quicker because you are ill.
If you’re feeling lonely or isolated
If you’re feeling lonely or isolated, you could get in touch with a befriending scheme. A befriending scheme is a network of people, usually volunteers, who can provide regular companionship and conversation by visiting you at home or ringing you on the phone. There are lots of free befriending schemes in the UK:
- Marie Curie Companion at home and Companion over the phone services. A trained volunteer can visit you at home for a chat, or take you out. Or, get a regular call from a volunteer. They can provide ongoing support and be a friendly ear when you need to talk.
- Macmillan Buddies. Get a weekly call from a volunteer to talk about how you’re feeling and services which are available to you.
- Age UK runs a network of befriending services, which works by matching up an older person with a befriender. It also runs a telephone befriending service if you cannot leave the house.
If you’d rather chat online, you could use an online community or forum. There are lots of forums for specific illnesses, as well as forums about particular interests. Here are some you could try:
- Marie Curie’s Online Community – for anyone affected by terminal illness.
- Dementia Support Forum – Alzheimer’s Society’s forum for anyone affected by dementia.
- Macmillan Cancer Support’s Online Community – for anyone affected by cancer.
- MND Association’s Online Forum – for anyone affected by Motor Neurone Disease.
