How to support a bereaved child or young person to return to school, college or university

A child or young person may want to go back to school, college or university immediately after a bereavement, but they may need more time.

On this page, we explain ways to support a child or young person returning to education after someone’s died. This includes how to make sure they get the support they need from their school, college or university.

Some of the suggestions are from talking to Youth Ambassadors at Winston’s Wish, the charity supporting bereaved children and young people.

There is no set policy for time off school for a child or teenager after a bereavement. It’s best to contact the school as soon possible to explain what’s happened.

The school may have its own bereavement policy, but how long they are off also depends on:

Going back to school may help a child who’s been bereaved. They may benefit from seeing friends, having a routine and getting support from the school. Staying away from school may also make a child more anxious. It could make it more difficult when they do go back.

It's important to reassure the child that going back to school does not mean that they’re expected to be OK now. It does not mean that things just go back to how they were before the person died. They’re still grieving, so they may need more days off later, and that’s fine.

But it’s also OK if they need longer before returning.

Grief is different for everyone and can affect people at different times. So it’s important to pay attention to how a child is feeling and behaving.

When we spoke to young people who'd been bereaved, it was clear that some had experienced good support at school or college while others had not. Because of this, it's best to talk to the child about the support they need and discuss it with their school or college.

Remember that outside of the family, school can be the main source of support for a bereaved child. So, do not feel embarrassed to call or email the school to remind them or ask for more support, if you need to.

These are things you can do to support a child or teenager before they go back to school:

At this meeting you may want to talk to the school about these things for the child’s first day back:

It’s important to include older children and teenagers in discussions with the school or college about support once they’re back.

These are examples of the types of support you can discuss with the school:

There may be one particular teacher who can look after their needs at school.

The school may have someone trained in pastoral support like an Emotional Literacy Support Assistant (ELSA). Or there may be a teacher that the child likes or trusts. You could then ask if they could be the child’s go-to person.

This is when a child has special permission to leave class for a break when they need it. It should be a set place or room in the school where they can get support or have time on their own. It’s important that the school makes sure that all their teachers know about it.

If a child is finding it difficult to share their emotions, the ELSA, or pastoral care teacher supporting them, may use these things:

The school may have its own school counsellor. Or they may contact a specialist child bereavement organisation like Winston's Wish. The child or young person can also contact Winston's Wish directly.

The school may also contact their local authority mental health services for more help with finding support.

Some schools and colleges have a bereavement support group. It might be run by the school counsellor or a teacher with responsibility for pastoral care. It’s a place where students can talk to other students who’ve been bereaved.

The school can apply to exam boards for special consideration for reasons like bereavement. This is an adjustment to their exam mark because of circumstances out of the student’s control. You can speak to the school about applying for special consideration. However, be prepared that the adjustment to their mark may seem small.

You can also speak to the school about other options if your child is worried about the effect of what they've been through on their schoolwork. It could include things like dropping a subject or seeing if a college will adjust the grades they need.

Some of the young people we spoke to felt that they had good support at primary school, but it was not the same when they started at secondary school. It might have been because the new school had not been told about the bereavement or had not been asked about support.

If a child is moving between schools or college, it’s worth checking that the new school or college knows about the bereavement. You may also need to remind them as a child moves up years and has new teachers.

Some of the young people we spoke with thought it can be difficult knowing where to find bereavement support at university.

But there are many ways that a university can support a young person who’s been bereaved. Most of all, it’s important that the young person knows that they must ask for support if they’re struggling with grief or their mental wellbeing.

Each university has its own policy and types of support. A young person may want to find out how a university can provide support for bereavement and wellbeing before they apply. They might be able to find out more on the university’s website or brochure.

Universities and colleges have a policy of not sharing information about students with their families. But some have an opt-in system. This is when a student lets the university share information about anything affecting their health or wellbeing with their family. You may want to ask the child or young person if they would like to do this.

UCAS has information about the key things to do first (see link below). This includes telling their personal tutor.

Bereaved young people have told us how important it is to speak up if you think you might need support.

As an adult supporting a young person, make sure they know that they should not worry about whether they ‘qualify’ for help. If they’re struggling with grief or any other issues affecting their wellbeing or mental health, they need to tell someone and find support.